Recovery & Introducing new SD: Mr. Deputy

I’m still in great pain from my breakup with Mr. A.

I went on SA again for the distraction and began texting with a man I’ll call Mr. Deputy (or maybe just Dep? Mr. D?). I recall my reasoning for naming Mr. A was that he reminded me of Mr. Big from Sex and the City with his chic bachelor lifestyle and job in finance and his worldliness.

Well, I’m dubbing this new guy Mr. Deputy because he’s totally second in command. He’s a giver at heart and we bonded over both being heartbroken from our losses. He lets me lead everything, the conversation, where we go, etc. This is such a blatant difference from my experience with Mr. A — honestly refreshing, but definitely doesn’t make me sexually attracted to him. I prefer strong dominants that will tell me what to do like Mr. A. But hey, at least I’m gaining some control in my life.

sugar baby diary sugar daddy advice sugar baby blog seeking arrangement

Thanks for the shoulder (and the cash), Dep.

Mr. Dep recently had a girl (from SA) leave him after almost three years of living together. He’s still getting himself back together from the loss. And I, too, am in mourning of my relationship with Mr. A. So, we have been able to rely on each other, to listen to one another, and to help each other get through this rough time.

I haven’t yet made it through a day without thinking of Mr. A and our life together without crying. Because if I stop distracting myself for even just a minute, it all comes rushing to the pit of my stomach and my heart burns and my eyes swell up with tears. I know it’s for the best because it was the most fruitless of SB/SD relationships. But I believe it was real.

Although Mr. Deputy may not fill Mr. A‘s shoes in regards to looks, charm, and class, he has definitely made up for it with his generosity and kindness. I’ve known the man three days and seen him twice. He’s already given me a month’s worth of money, upwards of $3000. Talk about a rebound.

Any advice on what you’ve done to get over a fresh wound or breakup is appreciated.

xoxo,   E

Free at Last

sugar baby blog sugar baby diary marilyn monroe how to marry a millionaire sugar daddySo, it’s been over a year with Mr. A. We had grown to love each other… and although we had talked about marriage and having a life together, I always sort of knew in the back of mind it was unrealistic and insane. I always questioned how we would go about it and think just how far away the actual time of being married actually is for us. I still have a whole year left of college before I graduate! And by then, where would the relationship be?

It’s a long story how we finally broke up, but basically we weren’t in love with each other anymore. And we didn’t talk for two entire days (which hasn’t happened the entire time we’ve been together). And you know what? I felt free for the first time in a long time. Free and almost myself.

Even when he was on his business trips for extended periods of time or when he was working, I would find myself waiting or preparing for him. In that relationship, it was all about him. My life and activities revolved around what he wanted to do and when he was available and what he was feeling was best. And that would probably have been fine if I was given an allowance or some sort of monetary freedom — but no. I was never given a formalized allowance, and always had to ask for money which would be his choice of amount, usually around $1000 (aka his chump change).

I was living in this love fantasy where I thought, “oh it doesn’t matter how much you get right now. You’re taken care of at the moment. Don’t make him feel badly by asking for money and make him think the love isn’t real. Just wait for him to marry you and he’ll see how much you really love him.” Such an idiot! I was fooled and blinded by love (i.e. manipulation).

Honestly, I did love him so much, and I felt it hurt him a little or made him uncomfortable to give me money. Instead of strengthening our relationship or him enjoying making me happy through monetary means or material goods, it always dampened our love bubble.

I’d be lying if I said I’m not heartbroken and depressed. It will take me a while to really erase him from my life and get back to myself and routines before he was in the picture. And it’s really fucking hard right now. But life will move on. Hope all’s well with you gals.

xo,  E

A Sugar Baby’s Most Common Love Language: Receiving Gifts (duh)

I’m sure most of you are familiar with the Five Languages of Love:

1. Words of Affirmation

2. Acts of Service

3. Receiving Gifts

4. Quality Time and

5. Physical Touch.

Well these five languages have been researched and recognized to be the main ways in which humans feel and display love. And a very common problem in relationships is that one person feels and displays love in one way, while the other person doesn’t understand or feel love in that way at all.

The reason I bring this up is because I feel as though most girls/women feel love through receiving gifts and acts of service, while men tend to feel loved through physical touch or quality time. That’s not to say women don’t feel loved through physical touch, but it’s more meaningful when we see our lover give us physical representations or physical actions to demonstrate their love to us — so we know it’s real.

sugar daddy sugar baby blog seeking arrangement allowance

Why doesn’t he understand I’ll feel more loved with a new pair of Louboutins?!!

I brought the love languages up to A because he clearly never understands just how much I really appreciate and love getting physical items (literally anything, even something small) that shows he thought about me during the day. He never does! And because his primary love language is physical touch or quality time, he doesn’t comprehend how much physical representations (i.e. gifts) of love actually mean and prove to me. Especially when that love is given on my birthday, our anniversary, or Valentine’s Day. To miss an occasion like this is honestly so heartbreaking and disappointing. Yes, I feel love when we touch and cuddle and have sex, etc. but putting more thought in when we’re not together is also important.

When I talked to him about this, I said “A, I know that your primary love language is clearly ‘quality time,’ so I go out of my way to come over even when I have schoolwork or other things I want to do, because neglecting you makes you feel unloved.” He agreed and tried to tell me he had never heard of these love languages. So while we were on the phone, we both took the quiz to show the importance of our love languages. The results are below. And they reveal that we both feel and understand love in much different ways.

sugar baby sugar daddy love language five love languages gift giving seeking arrangement

Mr. A‘s love order of importance

sugar baby sugar daddy love language five love languages gift giving

And my love order of importance

Tagging Along on Your SDs Business Trip (aka, a solo vacation)

I’ve been super busy with school and sorority stuff (I’m on the exec board of my sorority, so it’s a pretty big time commitment) and I finally finished my midterm exams. I recently confronted Mr. A about him texting other girls and he was like I can’t believe you don’t trust me — you should just come on my business trip with me so you can see that all I do is work while I’m on these trips.

He goes to London and New York City frequently for work and I get paranoid that he is seeing other women while he’s in those cities, so I thought going along with him on his New York trip would be a fun getaway for me and keep my mind at ease knowing that Mr. A really is just working and not seeing other women.

sugar baby diary sugar daddy new york city nyc shopping seeking arrangement

Just being a NYC tourist.

He pretty much worked all day long from 8am-7pm, so I only saw him at dinner. He left me money to shop and eat, and I have a friends from home that go to college in the city, so I had lunch with them one day. But I basically just chilled in the nice hotel suite, explored NYC and went shopping and drank iced coffee all day while he was in meetings or whatever he does.

He took one day off at the end of the week so we could spend time in the city together. He’s originally from New York (not California), so he showed me around his old stomping grounds. I think it helped us really bond! And it was cool to see him in action in New York in his suit he wears for work — god work suits are so hot.

Have you ever tagged along on your sugar daddy’s business trip? Do tell of your all-expenses-paid-for adventures.

xo, ♥ E

Valentine’s Day with Mr. A

Valentine’s Day with Mr. A was fun… we had a nice spa getaway weekend in the wine country near Napa. We had couple’s massages and I got a facial while he was doing some work the next day (he’s kind of a workaholic). Although I didn’t get a nice gift which I was secretly pissed about, I received a beautiful bouquet of long stem roses (very romantic) and another bouquet of tulips (my fave flowers). But like, a piece of jewelry or a pair of shoes would have been nice. Like even a new pair of Nike shoes I would have appreciated. I mean obvi, I’m very appreciative of the spa treatments and flowers, but still would have been nice to get a physical material gift. Is this wrong???

valentines day sugar baby sugar daddy seeking arrangement sugar baby advice

No sir, I still want the gifts.#sorrynotsorry

I didn’t want to throw a fit because I cried so hard on my birthday last month when he didn’t get me anything except spa treatments and a nice dinner — and he said I was the most materialistic person he’s ever met and that I had an illness. Like sorry I am a female? I don’t know what to do, because I love him so much, but this lack of material goods is really getting to me. I don’t know how I can be more obvious about what I want than sending him links. Such is the sb struggle.

What did your sugar daddies get you for the day of love?!

Sugar Daddy Slacking On My Birthday

On every girl’s birthday, especially SBs, we dream of walking into a room and seeing a humungous shiny black [Chanel] box from a department store addressed to us with a beautiful big material good inside just for us (hopefully a huge handbag or something of similar stature). Along with this there should be flowers and cards and maybe some other smaller gifts like earrings or sunglasses or a David Yurman ring or something. Well, my birthday was not even close to this dream and I need to let it all out.

sugar baby diary seeking arrangement sugar daddy advice sugar baby allowance

where my bday gift at??

So, I just turned 22. I’ve had enough birthdays to know that they are normally a letdown, or just a day of high expectations that never get met.

I know 22 isn’t a super special aged birthday or anything. But like, I expected Mr. A to at least do something for me to make my day special. I literally would have been happy with anything, even just something small.

This is basically not even a sugary relationship at all anymore and has ventured into the normal zone of dating. EXCEPT, a normal boyfriend would get their girlfriend flowers or a card on her birthday or maybe even a fucking gift. Nope, not Mr. A — not even a small token piece of jewelry, nothing! I literally couldn’t believe it. He bought me dinner and had my friends over his house for champagne before we went out.

On my actual birthday I drank a lot of rosé and champagne, so I didn’t realize just how fucked up the situation really was. I was sad, but I was able to brush it off. But then the next night, around midnight when we were getting into bed, I let it all out and wept.

When Mr. A asked me what was wrong, I was crying/talking about the dream of seeing gifts/flowers/cards addressed to me on my bday and how I couldn’t have been more obvious about what I wanted because I sent links to purses and boots that I really want to his email.

He then said I was the most materialistic person he’s ever met and couldn’t believe that I was so upset about not getting a material good on my birthday and that 5 year olds cry on their birthdays because they don’t get presents. So rude of him!! I slept in one of the guest bedrooms that night and I am still wondering why in god’s name I am still with him.

:( Sorry about the negativity, but honestly it was just a really fucked up situation. Thank god my three best friends got me a some cute things and hangout with me to make my day special — I seriously am so lucky to have them.

Have you ever been let down by your SD when you were counting on them the most?

Potench: A Dancing SD

So, I had been texting with a guy from SA, I guess I’ll call the guy Dancer because that’s what led our relationship to its demise.

The minute he started texting me, I knew I regretted giving him my number. But then he seemed really nice and mentioned he’s experienced with “these types of relationships” so he knows how to support with an allowance. How enticing.

When I talked with him on the phone however (fml, I hate phone calls with potentials), he was like “I love salsa dancing and I go all the time in all these cities, so why don’t we meet to go salsa dancing.” Mmmm. No. Way too much effort. I’ll walk around a museum or see a weird old film or go to any restaurant I’m taken to, but like, salsa dancing? Eh. I’ve tried it twice and was miserable the whole time, particularly the second time because I was taken against my will.

It also could be that I am being ultra judgmental and picky because I’m totes in love with Mr. A. So that’s probably what it is. So if anyone wants a salsa dancing SD, I got the hook up.

Is there any moment during a potential process that immediately nullifies his chance? What is an immediate turnoff? Evidently, I found out my immediate turn off is salsa dancers.